I happened to be another victim to the monstrous hype that was created around a film called My name is Khan.
I don't know why, but after watching KCK on Friday night, i asked my parents if they would like to watch MNIK on saturday!
My luck too was on leave that day.. they said yes.. and we set out in my gaadi.
We reached the theatre half an hour in advance.. that was a sign of things to come, maybe God wanted us to get bored and leave the place before the ordeal started... but nahi.. we are destiny's children! and our destiny that night was KJo.
The movie started promisingly with the protagonist getting frisked on the airport.. for reciting a few muslim verses.
The intent was good. I thought I had done justice to myself by breaking my 2010 resolution of not watching SRK films.
A few scenes later, SRK started getting repetitive. Whatever sympathy the audience had gathered for him were now turning into uneasy oohs and aahs and uncomfortable shifts in their chairs.
He was now royally irritating people in the theatre.
Whatever the syndrome was, I really dont think KJo researched it enough.
At the end of the movie you dont even remember what the disablility was called. To add to the pain, it was so horribly potrayed in the script that Khan was only too glad to make it worse by multiplying the pain by 10.
Whatever the disablity was, all he did was repeat the last two words of every sentence he spoke. There was absolutely nothing more to the character.
If you minus those 2 repeated words, he just seemed like his usual 'Rahul, naam toh suna hi hoga' avatar.
He is always so hopelessly affluent and so cool that he forgets that this is not a stage show or an awards night, but a film where he should be getting under the skin of the character.
To draw a parallel, it is so easy to say that SRK can never ever in this life play a progeric Auro or even a Ghajini. He just cannot, he does not possess the ability to.
To be different, everyone in Bollywood these days plays a disabled character, so how can this hyped Khan be left behind?
But to everyones horror, he neither seems disabled nor is interested in pretending to be disabled.
He is the cool Rahul in every film with the same hairstyle and with the same dirty smirk on his nicotine blackened lips.
The problem with him is that he just doesn't want to try, he is happy in his zone where the mindless supporters love him for being a fool.
He is in Madame Tussauds too... err.. but then so is Salman. So that doesnt count as an achievement.
He is very very obnoxiously repetitive. Thats is all I want to say.
Moving on, the film was no better. How could it be?
It was made by the stupid coterie of Khan, KJo and Kajol.
Kajol just continued from K3G. She was too loud in that movie and she just took over from there.
In MNIK, she was so loud that the people in the adjacent screen couldn't follow their film properly.
She keeps yelling when she's happy and also when her son dies.
Yelling is what she does to keep her weight in control. After K3G, she hadn't got a chance to yell, so she put on weight like a water hog.
But now she's determined. She's determined to scare the people of this country by yelling, yelling day and night, yelling in health and death, yell, yell all the time .. yell so much that we get scared and settle in Pakistan.
The Taliban too are scared of her now.
Ab aaya KJo... bhai iske liye toh koi kuch bhi bole kam hai. He is like a bucket of emotions, a bath tub rather.
I thought it couldn't get more heavier than K3G.
All the people, hail Kojja.. sorry KJo.. here comes MNIK. (By the way Kojja in Telugu, a prominent south Indian language spoken by more than a 100 million people, means hijra, a colloquial word used for the term eunuch).
Sorry to get personal KJo, but that is what you deserve, because of what you subject us to.
You have one Kojja friend with whom you make all the films, which are all affluent, which always show people crying out of love and ruling that love for friends/mother/father/neighbour/dog/cat/sheep/wolf and love for anything that is human or non human is everything in the world.
You are such a bucket of mush.
You are sooooooo sweet. Your films are also sooooo sweet that they generally taste like a concoction of cocoa and sugar syrup.
You were born in a sugarcane field.
But wake up man, what do you expect us to do? expect the common indian to do?
what do you expect the average progressive NRI to do?
Sit with you in the sugarcane field every 6 months and weep with you for the sugar shit that you dole out for us?
Enough of this coochie coo friendship with the superstar.
People call you gay.. do you know that? (Oh yeah, you must be knowing that.. not too long ago, people did a graffiti on SRK's mannat wall calling him gay).
You cannot change your image by showing hapless people crying in your movies...
what did you want to do in MNIK? Show a disabled fellow, swimming through the swirling floods and saving an african community.
What was with that african community who were crying with SRK?
Crying with SRK?? My god, this is nonsensical.
The 10 yr old african kid starts singing 'We shall overcome' .. hum honge kamiyaab when the flood comes.
What the fish??
Why would he sing 'We shall overcome'??
He loves shaggy, akon and 50 cent... but then KJo uncle ne paisa diya and bola.. beta bolo.. We shall overcome...
We shall overcome...
To all the shit in this world, you are much better than MNIK.
Hail your existence because there is something far more inferior existing in this world.