Do not judge a book by it's cover.

This is the cover :
This is vindicated in the case of Anjaana Anjaani because the book is like this :
Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra play Akash and Kiara. We'll come to them a little later on.. there's a lot more to despise!

The movie starts through a pathetically shot scene with Ranbir and his business partners planning to take up a loan to buy a dead company and Ranbir eventually losing out the loan of 12 millions dollars because the stock market crashes.
The scene is so tragically shot and the camera work is so shoddy that you think even Ramayana and Mahabharata shot in the 90s had better camera techniques.
There are unwanted rays of light escaping through the frame and dust spots on the camera lens which become glaring on the big screen.
What makes me wonder is how this passed the editing table.

So much for Siddharth Anand and his poor cinema.
He has directed duds in the past.. but with Anjaana Anjaani he leaps past the limits of moronity and low calibre movie making abilities that he has defined for himself.

Coming back to the opening scene, there is a friend of Ranbir Kapoor, played by a small time actor Vishal Malhotra.
Now, i don't know why but I think Vishal Malhotra should take off his shoes and hurl them at Siddharth Anand.
Both the shoes... ah yes, one by one.
The poor guy has only one scene in the movie in which he is made to act like he is some harassed bahu from the torturous Star Plus soaps.
Don't forget to check out the first scene of the movie where he accuses Ranbir of losing everything out.
There is so much melodrama in the first scene that you are thankful at the end of it that Vishal Malhotra's body didn't burst out of his uncalled for emotions.

Ranbir and Priyanka both meet for the first time on a bridge where they want to commit suicide.
Initially, when you are not in the know of things, you are intrigued by the situation, but slowly it dawns upon you that both of them lost the golden opportunity to end their lives and end the torture of the audience as well.

In a sequence of supposedly comic events which fails to strike a chord with any intelligent movie goer, they attempt suicide through childish sounding attempts many times. But each time they are not successful.
The unbelievably stupid Priyanka Chopra likens this to destiny which she thinks has other plans for them.
Sadly their destiny was Siddharth Anand and his plans for them were nothing close to grand.

Priyanka had had a cheating partner for which she was heart broken and wanted to commit suicide.
What I also fail to understand is, that this fact is brought to the audience in bits and pieces unlike Ranbir's grouse.
Priyanka's stupid story of her partner's deceit only comes through at the interval.
Now, the bonanza.. her partner was played by the lamb-looking Zayed Khan.
I have always maintained that if any of Fardeen & Zayed Khan are even a stray character in your film, then the film has to pay.
It did royally in this case too, Zayed as usual looked lost and ugly.
His pock marked & expressionless face does not evoke any sympathy either when he apologises.

Anjaana Anjaani gets so predictable and repetitively boring that at times I just felt I should doze off.
But the thought that I have to drive back home after the show kept me awake.
The dialogues are cliched and so long.. that sometimes I shot.. "Ok guys.. done.. go ahead.. next dialogue please"

The humour is so regressive and low IQ child like, it did not make me smile even once during the 2 and half hour duration of the movie.
Scenes like Ranbir and Priyanka in Atlantic ocean with Ranbir's boxers floating around will make people pee on Siddharth Anand.

Anjaana Anjaani is a movie shot in exotic locales apparently in the most picturesque locations of the US.
But my dear Siddhartha baby.. all these have been done to death zillions of times in Yashraj films when you were a kid.
The whole movie looks like an infomercial for 'Cox and Kings' or 'Raj Travels' who are publicizing their US tourist packages.

The losers, Ranbir and Priyanka are supposed to be penniless, but they visit a nightclub almost every night, wear flashy dresses & zip around the geography of US in a gas guzzling Cadillac.
Siddhartha baby must've borrowed the money from Nadiadwala uncle's grandson to pay for their free trips.

Priyanka Chopra definitely has got something wrong with her lips.
Siddhartha baby's cameraman too was obsessed with extreme closeups which did not help Priyanka either.
I know swollen upper lips are a turn on for many in this world, but Priyanka's looked bee-stung.
Plus the extreme closeups also showed that she hadn't got her upper lips done.
Now, I am not picking on her.. but if your lips cover 35 mm of the 70 mm... tongues will wag.
Piggy chops.. you gotta be present at the editing table next time.

Ranbir, the poor guy, the fall guy in this sense.. is also to be blamed.
He made the only decent attempt to salvage the movie... but he should be blamed for accepting this movie after a superlative performance in Raajneeti.
Ranbir tries hard, but one champion sailor cannot save a sinking ship, just like Sachin Tendulkar alone cannot save India.

There is one thing about Ranbir Kapoor which I did not know earlier, but gathered from the extreme closeups from this movie.
In one scene where he scares Priyanka up from her sleep, his fingernails and tips occupy 60mm of the 70mm on platter.
He also bites his nails and fingers like me. Quite an 'ewwww' habit I must say.. but I do it too... so I felt for him :)
Ranbir, the shining star.. you rocked in whatever little scope this pathetic movie could give you.

All the best and a belated happy birthday.

I would go with a 1 out of 5 for Anjaana Anjaani.
0.5 for the exponentially brilliant "Naina laggeya baarishan" and 0.5 for Ranbir showing his bitten fingernails and tips :)
PS : Don't forget to check out the coast guard persons who save the 2 losers a couple of times in this movie.
The old man looks like the dad of a meat shop owner from India.
And the writing on the boat says : "US Coast guard".

I also thank Siddharth Anand for reaffirming the faith of the world in not judging a book by its cover.
I happened to be another victim to the monstrous hype that was created around a film called My name is Khan.
I don't know why, but after watching KCK on Friday night, i asked my parents if they would like to watch MNIK on saturday!
My luck too was on leave that day.. they said yes.. and we set out in my gaadi.

We reached the theatre half an hour in advance.. that was a sign of things to come, maybe God wanted us to get bored and leave the place before the ordeal started... but nahi.. we are destiny's children! and our destiny that night was KJo.

The movie started promisingly with the protagonist getting frisked on the airport.. for reciting a few muslim verses.
The intent was good. I thought I had done justice to myself by breaking my 2010 resolution of not watching SRK films.

A few scenes later, SRK started getting repetitive. Whatever sympathy the audience had gathered for him were now turning into uneasy oohs and aahs and uncomfortable shifts in their chairs.
He was now royally irritating people in the theatre.
Whatever the syndrome was, I really dont think KJo researched it enough.
At the end of the movie you dont even remember what the disablility was called. To add to the pain, it was so horribly potrayed in the script that Khan was only too glad to make it worse by multiplying the pain by 10.

Whatever the disablity was, all he did was repeat the last two words of every sentence he spoke. There was absolutely nothing more to the character.
If you minus those 2 repeated words, he just seemed like his usual 'Rahul, naam toh suna hi hoga' avatar.

He is always so hopelessly affluent and so cool that he forgets that this is not a stage show or an awards night, but a film where he should be getting under the skin of the character.

To draw a parallel, it is so easy to say that SRK can never ever in this life play a progeric Auro or even a Ghajini. He just cannot, he does not possess the ability to.

To be different, everyone in Bollywood these days plays a disabled character, so how can this hyped Khan be left behind?
But to everyones horror, he neither seems disabled nor is interested in pretending to be disabled.
He is the cool Rahul in every film with the same hairstyle and with the same dirty smirk on his nicotine blackened lips.
The problem with him is that he just doesn't want to try, he is happy in his zone where the mindless supporters love him for being a fool.
He is in Madame Tussauds too... err.. but then so is Salman. So that doesnt count as an achievement.
He is very very obnoxiously repetitive. Thats is all I want to say.

Moving on, the film was no better. How could it be?
It was made by the stupid coterie of Khan, KJo and Kajol.
Kajol just continued from K3G. She was too loud in that movie and she just took over from there.
In MNIK, she was so loud that the people in the adjacent screen couldn't follow their film properly.
She keeps yelling when she's happy and also when her son dies.
Yelling is what she does to keep her weight in control. After K3G, she hadn't got a chance to yell, so she put on weight like a water hog.
But now she's determined. She's determined to scare the people of this country by yelling, yelling day and night, yelling in health and death, yell, yell all the time .. yell so much that we get scared and settle in Pakistan.
The Taliban too are scared of her now.

Ab aaya KJo... bhai iske liye toh koi kuch bhi bole kam hai. He is like a bucket of emotions, a bath tub rather.
I thought it couldn't get more heavier than K3G.
All the people, hail Kojja.. sorry KJo.. here comes MNIK. (By the way Kojja in Telugu, a prominent south Indian language spoken by more than a 100 million people, means hijra, a colloquial word used for the term eunuch).
Sorry to get personal KJo, but that is what you deserve, because of what you subject us to.

You have one Kojja friend with whom you make all the films, which are all affluent, which always show people crying out of love and ruling that love for friends/mother/father/neighbour/dog/cat/sheep/wolf and love for anything that is human or non human is everything in the world.
You are such a bucket of mush.
You are sooooooo sweet. Your films are also sooooo sweet that they generally taste like a concoction of cocoa and sugar syrup.
You were born in a sugarcane field.

But wake up man, what do you expect us to do? expect the common indian to do?
what do you expect the average progressive NRI to do?
Sit with you in the sugarcane field every 6 months and weep with you for the sugar shit that you dole out for us?
Enough of this coochie coo friendship with the superstar.
People call you gay.. do you know that? (Oh yeah, you must be knowing that.. not too long ago, people did a graffiti on SRK's mannat wall calling him gay).

You cannot change your image by showing hapless people crying in your movies...
what did you want to do in MNIK? Show a disabled fellow, swimming through the swirling floods and saving an african community.
What was with that african community who were crying with SRK?
Crying with SRK?? My god, this is nonsensical.
The 10 yr old african kid starts singing 'We shall overcome' .. hum honge kamiyaab when the flood comes.
What the fish??
Why would he sing 'We shall overcome'??
He loves shaggy, akon and 50 cent... but then KJo uncle ne paisa diya and bola.. beta bolo.. We shall overcome...
ok uncle...
We shall overcome...

To all the shit in this world, you are much better than MNIK.
Hail your existence because there is something far more inferior existing in this world.